Joke that Went A Bit Too Far
by sunchaser116589
Summary: Bella comes over to the Cullen's house. When no one comes to meet her, she figures she'll surprise them. Instead, she is the one surprised. Features OOC characters, in some parts. Oh, and walruses. Bad summery, but kinda funny story. Oneshot. Saftey rated
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Ok, I don't own Twilight, New Moon, Stephenie Meyer, my house, ect. Stephenie Meyer does. Although I don't think she owns my house. That would be weird.

A//N: Ok, this will probably be very OOC. And for that, I'm sorry. I should know better than to disgrace the bestest characters in the world by making them act OOC, so I've added extra 'dialogue' a.k.a., the charries yelling at me (In **bold **font). Sad. At least, I think I will anyway.

So… On with the story! Oh, one last thing, REVIEW OR I WILL UM… DIE!! Lol…

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"Edward…" Bella called as she stood at the Cullen's front door. "Edward!" She called louder. "Alice!" "Someone!!" she finally yelled.

This was weird. Normally, someone would at least meet her at the door, because it was always kinda hard to miss the loud rumble of her truck.

She knew someone was home, because a light was on in one of the rooms, and some one was moving.

With a sigh, she opened the door and quickly stepped inside. Trying to make her footsteps silent, she tip toed up stairs. Maybe she could surprise who ever was there. Spotting Rosalie and Emmett's door open, she crept closer.

The room was empty, except, of course for the silent TV. A light touch on her shoulder distracted her from their room, making her jump and turn. There was no one there, however.

With a small shrug, she tried to forget about it, and walked towards Edward's room. Maybe everyone was in there. As she knocked once and threw open the door when there was no answer, she felt another touch on her shoulder. She bit her tongue to keep from yelping and whirled. There was no one there. Shaking her head a bit, she turned to Alice and Jasper's room. Obviously, there was no one there either. She felt a cool touch on her shoulder, and, since she was ready this time, she quickly pulled her hand to her shoulder. She stiffened as she felt something cold before it jerked out of her hold. Spinning, she looked wildly around, but saw nothing. A thump sounded at the far end of the hall. A second later, another thump sounded. Then another, and another, each time sounding closer.

Face pale, white with fear, she uttered a scream and raced to the stairs. In her haste, she failed to see the rock wall at the head of the stairs. Or so she thought, at first. A glance up confirmed that it was Edward.

"Oh Edward," she babbled," Do you have ghosts or giant rats or something? 'Cause there's thumping and… Where have you been?! I've been calling and no one came."

Since he didn't trust her legs to safely carry her down the stairs, the vampire easily picked Bella up and held her as he walked down the steps.

"I'm so sorry Bella. I knew you were here, and I knew I should have come, but the rest of the family wanted to play a joke, and Alice said that if I told you about it, she'd take you on a 3-day shopping trip." He said, looking mournfully at her.

"So there aren't really giant rats? Or ghosts?" the human asked as he let her stand on her own legs, a tightness to her voice.

"Of course not. It was just Emmett and every body making noise and running. Please don't be mad Bella." He pleaded.

"Oh," she said, a strange look in her eyes," I'm not mad." And with that, she proceeded to start laughing hysterically.

"Bella? Bella, honey, calm down. It was just a joke!"

But she just kept laughing while Edward tried to calm her down a bit. Alice and everyone other than Carlisle and Esme appeared at Edward's shoulder to look at Bella.

"Is she ok?" Alice asked.

"Does she look ok?!" Edward growled

"I think we were a bit too convincing with the joke thing." Emmett put it.

Jasper tried to send a wave of calm to her, and while her laughter grew slightly quieter, she continued shaking and hiccupping.

"Can you please find a way to shut her up Edward?" Rosalie said in an annoyed voice, although there was a hint of worry to it.

"I know a way…" Edward replied as her leaned over and gathered up Bella, his eyes warm, (Hehe, we all know what happens now, Fishy face!!) his eyes warm, before he ran over and dumped her on the couch. He disappeared a second, before coming back with something hidden behind his back

He leaned down, letting one hand rest easily at her white neck.

"Look what I can do Bella!" He called with a happy grin, a straw each attached to his two sharp canine teeth. "I'm a walrus!!" He proceeded to flop on the ground and go "Oar oar oar!" delightedly, clapping his hands together.

**Bella: Er, wow.**

**Edward: Oh come on, I'd never do that!**

**Me: Well, sweetie, you just did.**

**Bella: _growl _He's MY sweetie!**

**Me: Whatever you say… (Singsong voice…)**

**Play Back **

Everyone stared in shock at him. Even Bella froze, eyes wide.

"What are you doing Edward!?" Alice yelled.

A quiet snicker was heard from behind Rosalie's hand covering her mouth.

"I'm a walrus! I already said that! Now, if you'll excuse me, walruses don't talk!"

And so he fell silent, except for the occasional "Oar! Oar!" which is generally the sound seals make, but _any way_…

"Edward," Emmett said with a small smile, " walruses don't wear clothes, so therefore, you aren't really a walrus."

Edward just looked at him a second, before tugging his shirt off, letting the blue fabric fall to the floor. He reached down-…

**Edward: What?! Oh come on. It's bad enough that I'm a walrus, but really, the clothes thing is taking it a bit far!**

**Bella: Oh, of course you're right Edward. (Her mind was clearly still on the topic of Edward and soon to be lack of clothes, because she blushed so red that she almost burned a finger when she put a hand to her face.)**

**Me: _Clothes… _Er, I mean, sorry, but walruses don't wear clothes, and if you're a real walrus, you can't have clothes...**

**Bella: Don't think about clothes! said with a growl and playful punch that knocked me off my stool.**

**Me: grr, fine. **

**Edward: Hello!? I keep my clothes! Got it?!**

**Me: I don't see what the big deal is…**

**Edward: baseball bat**

**Me: Fine**

**Bella: giggle**

**--------------------------------------Play Back------------------------------------**

"Edward, fine, I'm ok! Keep your clothes on!" she called, sitting up, calm finally.

"Aw, it was fun being a walrus though." He complained as he picked up his shirt.

Jasper snickered and resisted from sending him a wave of giddiness.

"Well, now that everything is calm and everything, what do you want to do now?" Edward asked, he himself back to normal.

Smiling, Bella stood on her toes and whispered something _very _quietly to Rosalie. The vampire's eyes grew wide and she looked at Bella with new respect as she nodded.

Everyone's eyes narrowed, although the human kept an innocent expression on her face.

Suddenly, in a movement too swift for even the vampires to react, Rosalie picked up a chair and hurtled it straight at Edward. The chair splintered and broke in dozens of pieces. With a smug look , Bella called," That's for playing that joke on me!"

Everyone cracked up, Emmett even falling to the ground.

**Me: Are you sure you didn't have the chair thrown at him, because he only managed to get his shirt off? inquired in a sweetly sickening voice and smile**

**Bella: Red blush Of... Of course not!**

**Edward: smirk**

((A//N: Ok, not my best work, but some parts were funny. At least, I think so. Why don't you ALL, and I mean EACH AND EVERY SIMGLE PERSON WHO READ THIS, should review to me, please, and tell me what you think.))


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Ok, I don't own any of Stephenie Meyer's characters. Although I'm fairly sure I own the character "Me". That's my favorite charrie, except for Edward, of course.**

**A//N: Next chapter. Oh, and I'm BEGGING you to give me more ideas, even if you think they are dumb. Cause the dumbest ones are always the best ideas. I think…**

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_**Bella: -Red blush- Of... Of course not!**_

_**Edward: -smirk-**_

------------------------Play Back-----------------------------------------------------

"Ugh, get up Emmett! You're embarrassing me!" Rosalie said an annoyed look on her face. Briefly, Bella wondered how she could not be used to her husband's antics by now.

"Oh!!! Why don't we play a game?!" Alice cried happily, barely refraining from jumping up and down.

Everyone started looking for the nearest exit, in case they needed to run.

"Um…" Bella said.

"We can play dress up!" Alice went on.

"No!" All the present males roared.

Alice's face went dark. Her hands clenched and her chin went up. In a sharp voice, she said "Excuse me?" Everyone blinked.

"Did you say something?"

When Edward went to open his mouth, the small vampire just looked at him, her lips curling up a bit.

"N… no, of course not!" They replied.

"Good!" Alice said with a smile, happy once again.

A loud voice broke the mood.

"I want to be a pillow."

Edward blinked at Bella. "What?"

"I wanna be a pillow." She repeated.

"Um, you can't."

"Why not?"

"Because…, because…, well, you just can't. No one dresses up as a pillow." He replied, flustered.

"Well, how about I be a peacock?"

_Well,_ he thought to himself, _it's better than a pillow_. "Fine, be a peacock."

"Cool!" she replied and dug through the trunk that had appeared out of thing air. A few seconds later, she pulled out a pretty purple dress with a huge bouquet of feathers pinned to the back. She slipped it on over her jeans and T-shirt, and then settled a crown on her head. In one hand she held a staff.

"I declare that I am King Peacock, and I shall say what you each dress up as!" she yelled with a grin.

"I think you mean "Queen"." Jasper said," And what if we don't want you to say what we dress up as?"

Her smile turned down into a frown. "Rosalie?" she said. The vampire walked over, a puzzled expression on her face. When the human whispered in her ear, Rosalie's smile grew huge. She took the staff from Bella.

"Squish." Bella said.

With an evil grin, Rosalie smashed the staff over Jasper's head.

"Ow! What was that for?!" he growled, rubbing his head.

"That was for disrespecting your King!" she replied.

"I now declare the Rosalie is my Head-Smasher." The King declared.

"Bella," Edward said a bit nervously," I think you're taking this game a bit too seriously."

"Squish."

And Rosalie 'squished' with a gleeful smile.

**Bella: Hold up! I'd never hit Edward! **

**Me: Well, _duh,_ you just did.**

**Bella: No, YOU did!**

**Me: I didn't hit him, you did.**

**Bella: You!**

**Me: No.**

**Bella: Yes**

**Me: No**

**Bella: Yes**

**Me: No**

**Bella: Yes**

**Me: Yes**

**Bella: _-pauses, confused- _No**

**Me: Hehe, you just said I didn't hit him.**

**Bella: Humph**

**Edward: _-They're fighting over me-_**

**Bella: I heard that Edward Cullen!**

**Edward: But I didn't say it out loud!**

**Me: -_shaking finger- _Naughty naughty!**

**Edward: _-Growl-_**

**Me: Don't growl!**

**Edward: Then don't be stupid!**

**Me: Don't call me names! Or growl! Now you have to pay for it! What should I have you do…?**

**Edward/Bella: Oh no.**

**---------------------------------- Play Back-------------------------------------------**

"Edward!"

"Yes my Quee- I mean, King?" said the new-and-improved meek Edward.

"I have decided what you shall wear."

"Yes my King, what have you decided I should wear?" he asked, eager to please.

"Nothing!" she called, an amused and slightly crazy grin on her face.

**Edward: Now you hold on just a ding-dang second! **

**Me: Yes?**

**Edward: I thought we agreed that I got to keep my clothes!**

**Bella: _-Ha, no clothes.- -Images run through her mind.- -Very red blush-_**

**Me: You do get to keep them, you just can't keep them on.**

**Edward: _-baseball bat-_**

**Me: Fine. –_pouting-_**

**Edward: Good.**

**Me: _-funny grin- _ I'll let you keep your underwear on.**

**Bella: -_Very red blush turns scarlet- -underwear-_**

**Edward: -_loud growl-_**

**Me: Nope, nothing's going to change my mind now.**

**-_Quickly hits 'Play back' before Edward turns her into a pretzel.-_**

**--------------------------------Play Back------------------------------------**

"You shall be Cupid!" the human added.

"Erm,"

"Cupid!" she roared. Rosalie stepped forward and clutched the staff tighter.

"Alright." He agreed, keeping one eye on Rosalie. He took the diaper, and bow that King Peacock held out to him and run upstairs. A few minutes later, (cause diapers are very tricky to put on), he came down the stairs with an embarrassed expression.

The vampires burst into laughter, even Rosalie.

The sight of Edward with almost nothing on almost broke through Bella's current maniac state, but she quickly threw that thought away.

Suddenly, a great white stallion appeared in the room. "I will save you DiaperMan!" he cried valiantly to Edward as he struck a pose.

"And he almost made it too. He would have, if Bella hadn't said "Squish". So Rosalie ran forward and tried to 'squish.' But he was a fast horse, and when Rosalie swung wildly, her staff knocked the crown off Bella's head, which, in turn, flew off, rebounded off the wall and into her staff, knocking it right out of her hands.

The beautiful vampire, and the human girl stood still, confused.

As it turned out, the crown had controlling powers, which was what made Bella into a dictator, and the staff brought out mean feelings, which made Rosalie violent-er than normal.

**Bella: Well, that's better, I suppose.**

**Edward: Yeah, I didn't like to think of you as a mean old dress up controller person.**

**Me: Quiet DiaperMan.**

**Bella: _-diapers…- -blushes once more.-_**

**---------------------------Play Back-------------------------------------------------------**

And Edward was indeed still standing there in his diaper.

Since Bella was back to normal, she just stood in shock, wondering why he was wearing a diaper.

He glanced down, and realized what he was wearing, or rather, not wearing, because the tabs that are supposed to hold the diaper up were old, and they didn't have good grip. In other words, the diaper was now around his ankles.

**Edward: What's wrong with you?!**

**Bella: _-blushed so red this time, a rabbit mistook her head for an over-ripe tomato.-_**

**Me: Well s-o-r-r-y Mister SmartPants-er,-Diaper. (Lol, I can't get over the diaper thing.)**

**Edward: Diaper stays up, got it?!**

**Me: Fine _–glowers-_**

**--------------------------------------Play Back---------------------------------------**

On second thought, the diaper was brand new and it stayed around his waist, where it was supposed to.

He quickly ran upstairs and changed back into normal clothes.

By now, everyone was done laughing at Edward, and forgiving Bella and Rosalie's mental lapse.

"I'm sorry Edward," she said mournfully," I didn't mean to have Rosalie Squish you." She said.

"Oh, that's alright love." He replied, picking her up. All was forgiven.

At least, until Rosalie snuck up behind Edward and yelled "Squish" as she brought the staff down over his head.

"Bella said squish." A smirking Rosalie added.

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**((A//N: Ok, this was the 2nd chapter. Now, EVERY SINGLE PERSON WILL HIT THE REVIEW BUTTON AND REVIEW AND GIVE ME IDEAS!!!!)) **


	3. Chapter 3

A//N: Ok guys, I'm sorry, I messed up when I updated, so I have the chapter written, and I'll post it after school. Thank you to Crashedmyharley for telling me about it, cause if she hadn't, then I would never have known. (the name is spelled a bit different though.) So in about 7 hours, I'll post the next chapter.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I'm back! And I don't own Twilight or New Moon, so stop asking! Stephenie Meyer does. Yep. –shifty eyes- _For now…_**

**A//N: Sorry I haven't updated in a few days, but I was busy working on Quality Time, and the chapters to this story take a long time to write… Oh, and I ran out of carrots. And candy canes. So I can't concentrate very well. Oh!!! Maybe gum will help. –runs off to find gum- Haha! I am successful! Now I'll be fine cause I have gum! Yep. Oh, and I didn't have any good ideas, so I'll just write a random thing. Then again, I wasn't planning on doing a diaper (giggle) thing last time either…**

**Ok, just incase a random person cares, this chapter is based kinda sorta on a fic I read a little while ago.**

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"_Oh, that's alright love." He replied, picking her up. All was forgiven._

_At least, until Rosalie snuck up behind Edward and yelled "Squish" as she brought the staff down over his head._

"_Bella said squish." A smirking Rosalie added._

_---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

After Rosalie and Edward chased each other for awhile, they calmed down again and sat, bored.

"Hey, let's play the Hat Game!" Emmett announced.

"What?" Bella asked.

Edward grimaced. "Everyone picks a number out of a hat. The one with the number 6 is the Big Moohlah, or the Big M. The Big M gets to tell people what to do for three turns, and then we choose numbers again, and start over."

"I think I get it." She said, slightly confused.

"Move it!" Emmett yelled as he stuck his hand in the hat. He grumbled when he saw his number, and then stepped back. Everyone jumped forward and grabbed a random number.

"Yes!" Alice shrieked, hopping up and down," I'm number six!"

Edward shuttered. "Not again."

Alice sent a death glare at him, and he shut up.

"Ok, um, number 3," Alice started.

"That's me." Edward said with a sigh.

"… dress number 4 up as a Barbie doll."

"No!!!" Emmett screamed, attempting to run away, and almost going through the wall. But Jasper kept a firm hold on him.

"Sorry." He said with a grin.

Edward smiled. "Come on buddy." And he dragged Emmett off to Rosalie's room. Ten minutes later, Edward jumped down the stairs.

"Come on Emmy, it doesn't look that bad!" he called.

Emmett grumbled and appeared at the top of the stairs.

Bella stared for a second, then fell over onto Rosalie's lap laughing.

Poor Emmett wore a bright pink crop top, the V of the neck coming down to just above his belly button. Actually, the shirt ended at his belly button, exposing a muscled, but totally inappropriate for a high cut shirt, torso. Edward had stuck him into a miniskirt. How he had done it, no one knew. The skirt was about 7 inches long, and exposed too much leg for anyone, except maybe Rosalie, to be comfortable with. 6in stilettos were on his feet, an eye-smarting shade of pink. Pink lipstick and a sulky expression completed the look.

Rosalie whacked Bella on the back to stop her from choking.

"Thanks." Bella gasped, trying to sit up.

"Stop staring!" Emmett howled, a wounded expression now appearing on his face.

Even Rosalie started laughing at that.

About 15 minutes later, most everyone had stopped laughing, only occasionally breaking into a giggle fit.

"Next!" Alice announced. "I'll be nicer this time."

Jasper rolled his eyes, knowing that his wife was having a bit too much fun with this.

"Number 2 and number 5, you have to kiss each other."

Bella blinked, and looked around. "I'm number 2."

Jasper glared at Alice. "And I'm number five."

Alice frowned. "Well, we can't have that, I'll think of something else…"

"No!" Rosalie interrupted," our rule is that you can't take back what you said, so they have to kiss."

Everyone but Emmett grumbled, and Edward started to protest loudly. A glare from Rosalie silenced him.

Jasper scowled at Rosalie, meaning to put something squishy and toad-like in their bed sometime soon. He stepped forward to Bella. "Might as well get this over with."

She grimaced and nodded, trying to control her emotions so Jasper wouldn't have to.

He leaned down and brushed his lips against her cheek, and then stepped quickly back to Alice.

"Never said where we had to kiss." He muttered as he ran over to Alice again. Obviously, he decided to forget that it was Alice who started this nonsense in the first place, because a second later, she fell against him, kissing him fervently.

Edward leaned over to Bella and placed his lips firmly over hers, only pulling away when her breathing became ragged.

Emmett whooped as Edward gently unlocked her hands.

"Sorry," she gasped as she tried to slow her heart beat and breathing. She blushed when Emmett continued cheering.

"Shove it Emmett." Edward growled.

He rolled his eyes but shut up.

A few feet away, Alice and Jasper were still there together, so Rosalie loudly cleared her throat, and when that didn't work, she tossed a chair at them. They finally broke away, Jasper glared at Rosalie.

"This game is stupid!" she declared. "Let's go find something better to do!"

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**((A//N: Well, that wasn't the best chapter I wrote, but I'm tired and I want to go to bed, but I can't because my clothes are in the washing machine and I have to put them in the dryer… Yeah… Well, REVIEW!!))**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own Twilight, New Moon, ect. Stephenie Meyer does.**

**A//N: Shoot, I forgot to re-save my whole story back on my documents thing… but you don't care because it doesn't affect you at all, so why am I even bothering to tell you? Anyway, other random news… I'm starting this chapter right now, at 10:01 pm at night, on Wednesday in February, in 2007. But I'll probably finish it tomorrow, after I finish searching for what's left of the saddle soap after The Microwave Incident (don't try to melt soap in the microwave, just some advice you'll probably never need to know.), and after cleaning a black English saddle (which is a good thing for you non-saddle washers, because black saddles don't show the scuffs that saddle cleaning reveals.) and after cleaning a HUGE brown western saddle, plus the plate, plus the girth, plus whatever else is attached to the HUGE heavy thing, and after I finish oiling it, trying to make it look better because my soap probably disappeared, or maybe I ate it… and THEN I might have time, after freaking out about whether the stirrups are shiny enough, or the leather is clean enough, or whether I scuffed, or damaged it in any way, to finish this chapter and update this story.**

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_A few feet away, Alice and Jasper were still there together, so Rosalie loudly cleared her throat, and when that didn't work, she tossed a chair at them. They finally broke away, Jasper glared at Rosalie._

"_This game is stupid!" she declared. "Let's go find something better to do!"_

**------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

"Fine." Jasper replied sullenly.

Bella looked out the window where 5 feet of clean white snow suddenly appeared all over Forks.

"Oh!!! Lets go play in the snow!" she yelled.

All the vampires instantly cheered up.

Alice brought down all their snow clothes, not that they needed any, and there was a new pair for Bella.

She put it on, then stood by the door and waited.

"Charge!" Emmett called as he pointed his gloved hand and ran at the door, probably intending to go right through it so he wouldn't have to waste time opening it. But Rosalie quickly stepped in and opened it, saving everyone from having to shake splinters out of their hair. Edward picked up Bella and they all ran out into the snow.

Bella immediately lay down and started making snow angels. After watching for a few seconds, Edward started to help.

After wandering aimlessly for a few minutes, Emmett became bored. And, as you've probably noticed, a bored Emmett is bad. He let an evil, and slightly crazy grin come onto his face. He quickly built a shelter out of the snow, and then started making snowballs as quick as he could. Two minutes later, he had gotten more than enough snowballs.

"Think fast Edward!" he yelled as he flung the snowball towards Edward. It hit him squarely on his head. Emmett started laughing, and flung another, this time hitting him right in the back. As he reached for another snowball, Edward turned around. Emmett's grin faded abruptly, as he saw that Edward was not really Edward. It was Rosalie. And she was not happy, from the looks of it.

"Why did you hit me Emmett?" she asked, a deathly glare on her face.

"I'm sorry Rosalie! It's just that, well, we all look the same in these outfits Alice bought, and, um, I kinda thought you were Edward." He blabbered, desperately looking for a way to make his escape.

Now the evil grin was on Rosalie's face. Emmett gulped and took a step back.

By now, the real Edward, and Bella had sat up and were watching to see what would happen between Emmett and his wife.

Rosalie flung her arm forward, a white blur barely visible before it splatted right in Emmett's chest.

He blinked and looked at her, confused.

She threw another one, but an oblivious Jasper walked up and stood right infront of Emmett, intending to ask him what was going on. But he never got that far, because a snowball pelted him in the face.

He growled and looked around trying to spot who had thrown it.

Rosalie smiled at him

Jasper quickly stole one of Emmett's snowballs and flung it straight at Rosalie. But Rosalie sidestepped, and that put the snowball directly in Bella's path.

Bella gave a loud yelp as the snowball connected squarely with her thigh.

Edward growled loudly and sprang up, flinging snowballs randomly.

A second later, the snowball war had begun.

Thirty seconds later, the snowball war had ended.

The Cullens filed silently towards the front door of the house, followed by a bewildered, and slightly limping Bella.

Esme greeted them.

"Hello dears, did you all have fun in the snow?"

She did a double take when she looked at them properly. The Cullen 'children' were each covered head to toe in white snow. The only one who was recognizable was Bella, because the smart human had know to stay out of the war. Or rather, she hadn't figured out what was happening until it was too late.

"Come on Edward," she said with a sigh," let's get you cleaned up."

And she grabbed his arm and he let her pull him to the bathroom upstairs.

Just inside the door lay his cupid costume.

"Since there's nothing dry in here, just put that on." She said.

He gave her a strange look through the slowly melting snow on is face.

**Edward: Come on, you were doing so good.**

**Me: I know I'm great. Just put on the diaper again.**

**Bella: Diaper…. _Blush_**

**Edward: No! I got rid of that thing in the first few chapters! I'm not, er, wearing it again!**

**Me: Fine, be that way. Now you won't wear anything at all…**

**Bella: _gasp, blush_**

**Edward: -base ball bat-**

**Me: Fine. But I bet you wouldn't really hit me with a base ball bat.**

**Edward: -brandishes a base ball bat and aims-**

**Me: -pouts- I said fine, you don't need to get mean about it.**

**Bella: No diaper?**

**Me: No diaper.**

**Bella: Hmm…**

------------------------------------------Play Back-------------------------------------------------

"Oh fine, I'll grab you some clothes from your room." Bella says as she walks out.

She searched through his drawers, before giving up and picking up the first thing she saw. She jogged back to the bathroom, only tripping once.

"Here, put these on." She said as she tossed them at him and stepped out of the bath room.

Suddenly, soft singing could be heard from the other side of the bathroom door.

_I love you…_

_You love me…_

_We're a happy family…_

What on earth was his singing?! She wondered briefly.

_With a great big hug…_

_And a kiss from me to you…_

_Won't you say you love…_

_Me…_

_Too…_

_Yeay!!_

"Um, Edward? Are you alright?" she asked nervously.

"I'm fine." He called back, opening in the door and stepping out.

With a quick glance at his shirt, she realized what he had been singing.

The huge, purple, grinning, slightly scary, green-toed, silently-singing, dinosaur gave it away.

**Edward: No way! I'd never sing the Barnet theme-song!**

**Me: You just did.**

**Edward: No you did!**

**Me: No you did.**

**Edward: Yes**

**Me: No**

**Edward: Yes**

**Me: No**

**Edward: Yes**

**Me: Yes**

**Edward: _-pauses, confused- _No?**

**Me: Haha! You just said that you're the one who sang it!**

**Bella: Not to butt in or anything, but, didn't we already have this conversation?**

**Me: Yes, we did, and I won in that one too.**

**Edward: I still think you're being stupid. I'd never wear a Barney shirt.**

**Me: Bet you would if Bella gave it to you.**

**Edward: Would not.**

**Me: Well, obviously you would, because you just did.**

**Edward: No you did!**

**Me: No you did.**

**Edward: Yes**

**Me: No-**

**Bella: Knock it off, we've been through this already.**

**Me: Hey, if you wanted this to stop, you shouldn't have given him the barney shirt in the first place.**

**Edward: Be nice to Bella.**

**Me: Make me!**

**Edward: Base ball bat**

**Me: Shut up!**

**Bella: _-stares- _Ooohh, she said 'shut up'! I'm telling!**

**Me: And just who were you planning on telling? And you just said it too.**

**Edward: Enough! Leave me alone!**

**Me: But we weren't even talking about you.**

**Edward: You weren't?**

**Me: _-mumbles- _I don't know how Bella can stand this day after day…**

**Me: Once again quickly hits 'Play Back' button before Edward starts yelling louder.**

**-----------------------------------------Play Back------------------------------------------**

**((A//N: Dude, the scene's over. Really. Ok, so this chapter wasn't terribly funny, but don't blame me. It's now 10:48 pm and I'm tired. Yep. Now go to sleep.))**


	6. Chapter 6

**, but don't blame me. It's now 10:48 pm and I'm tired. Yep. Now go to sleep.))**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, New Moon, ect. Stephenie Meyer does.**

**A//N: Ok children, (lol, I bet most of you are older than me.), be happy that I managed to whip this up for you. I'm tired, and my friend got tossed off her crazy horsie… violent horse too, but don't worry, I made sure that the brat behaved. You weren't worried, were you?**

**So, I'm looking around my room to find a random idea to build off… hmmm, maybe the alarm clock… does anyone know what the fear of the noise alarm clocks make is called? Or maybe the peppermints-that-aren't-actually-peppermints… well, I suppose that will do for now…**

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

_Edward: You weren't?_

_Me: -mumbles- I don't know how Bella can stand this day after day…_

_Me: Once again quickly hits 'Play Back' button before Edward starts yelling louder._

_-----------------------------------------Play Back------------------------------------------_

After Edward changed into a normal-er shirt, he came back to an odd scene. Namely, Bella staring at his alarm clock.

"Um, Bella, what's wrong?"

She ignored him, keeping her attention on the clock.

"Bella, why are you staring at the clock?"

Suddenly she squeaked. "Get it away! I don't like alarm clocks!"

Puzzled, Edward reached for it. "I don't see what's so bad…"

He was cut off by a loud beeping sound. Apparently, he wasn't watching his hand, and it had turned the clock on.

Bella's scream rose over the sound of the clock. She dashed madly to the clock and frantically pushed buttons. After about a minute, she ran out of air and had to take a breath. Luckily, she finally found the right button. She fell to a heap on the floor and started muttering and rocking back and forth.

Edward just stared, like he had for the past two minutes. "Wow, um, Bella?" he reached for her and she growled. He jerked his hand back, but not before Bella caught his hand between his teeth.

"Bella! Let go!" he called as he tried to gently pried her teeth off his hand. But she refused to let go. After using a crowbar to lever her jaws open, Edward skittered a few feet away.

And then Bella's mood changed. "Edward, Edward! Let's go play Run the Horsie Down the Stairs!!"

A large smile lit up Edward's face; the teeth scene forgotten. "Ok!"

And they both grabbed one of the conveniently placed large stuffed horses.

After running to the top of the stairs, Edward placed his horse at the edge and ran back a few steps. "I'm first he called." And then he ran launched himself at the horse. The poor horse flew down the first few steps, and bumped it's way down the rest.

"Now me!" Bella screamed, running and jumping just like Edward. Or, maybe not just like Edward. At the bottom of the stairs, the horse stopped, but she didn't.

Edward caught her though, and all was happy.

The End

**Edward: OMC! You can't just cut it off like that!**

**Bella: Even if you do have us doing stuff that we'd never in a million years do.**

**Me: You never know… hinthint**

**Edward: No hinting _–growls-_**

**Me: What did I tell you about growling?! That does it! Your time in clothes is up!**

**Bella: _-mutters- _That made no sense…**

**----------------------------------------Play Back------------------------------------------------**

And everyone was happy, except for Edward's horse. Because the horse was hungry. And the carpet didn't taste very good. But Edward's pants certainly did. Poor Edward was too busy cuddling Bella, to notice he was missing something.

When he finally let her down, she immediately started giggling.

"What? What's so funny?" he asked, a grin starting to grow on his face.

She snickered and pointed.

He looked down, and the grin immediately disappeared.

"I'll be right back." He muttered, running up the stairs. But, alas, we finally realize whether Edward wears boxers or briefs, or, um, neither. And it was the 'neither' colum.

Upon realizing that fact, he ran even faster. But unfortunately, the rest of the Cullens were bored, and decided to see how many pictures of Edward they could take before he bashed them over the head with the camera.

The number was 7.

Edward growled loud enough to be heard over everyone's laughter, and bashed the camera over Emmett's head.

"Now no one will see them." He said with a small smirk.

Alice waved something infront of his face with a smug look.

"No, the memory card! Get it!" And he proceeded to chase her frantically around trying to get it, tripping over Bella a few times. But Alice had a hiding spot no one but Jasper, or possibly Rosalie, would ever think to look. So when Edward finally caught her, she just smiled sweetly and held her empty hands out while Edward tried to form coherent words

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. **((A//N: Ok nice people, I hope you sorta kinda maybe liked this chapter. I doubt it was very funny, but I cleaned my room so there are not enough inspirational ideas to choose from in here. Haha, I spelled it right on the first try…**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: Ok, I don't own Twilight, New Moon, ect. Stephenie Meyer does.**

**A//N: I'm not sure how this chapter will go. Wow…**

**------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

_Alice waved something infront of his face with a smug look._

"_No, the memory card! Get it!" And he proceeded to chase her frantically around trying to get it, tripping over Bella a few times. But Alice had a hiding spot no one but Jasper, or possibly Rosalie, would ever think to look. So when Edward finally caught her, she just smiled sweetly and held her empty hands out while Edward tried to form coherent words_

Finally, Edward stood in front of a smug Alice, a look of pure malice on his face.

Seeing that things might get violent, Jasper stepped in. Bella got up too.

"Yeah…" she drawled, as she walked towards the kitchen," I'm bored. So I'm going to eat. Leave me alone!"

Edward shrugged and nodded, then returned to glaring at Alice.

But after an hour or so, Emmett got worried. "I'm going to go see if Bella's ok." He said.

"Charge!" he screamed as he picked up a random broom and ran at the kitchen door. What he saw though, made him pause.

And the annoyed screech made the others outside the kitchen pause too. They were all flying through the door a second later.

" What's wrong…" they all wanted to know, but as soon as they looked at Bella, they got their answer.

She was sitting on the ground rocking back and forth, and holding a huge box of raisins. Her dark eyes glowed as she focused solely on choosing which raisin to each next.

"Um, Bella?" Edward said as he stepped forward to snatch the box," I think you've had enough raisins…"

But he never got the box.

"My precious!" she screamed, turning over onto her hands and knees and scuttling to an opposite corner. "Don't touch! Mine! Mine!"

Edward drew his hand back, a bit frightened.

Emmett too tried his hand and stepped forward, picking her up and trying to pin her hands to her sides so someone could get the box.

But no one thought Bella could reach the heavy baseball bat that just so happened to by lying conveniently on the table right next to her, nor did anyone think she'd hit very hard. Of course, she hit very hard, because, when someone tries to take your precious raisins, you find hidden strength in yourself you never knew you had, that lets you do anything to save them.

"Ow!" He yelled, trying to fend her off with one hand," stop it Bella!"

Rosalie and Jasper snickered, while Edward cheered her on.

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**Bella: Oh come on, I don't even like raisins.**

**Me: You do now.**

**Bella: No, I don't!**

**Me: Yes, you do.**

**Bella: No!**

**Me: Yes.**

**Bella: No!!**

**Me: Yes.**

**Bella: No!!!**

**Me: No.**

**Bella: Yes? –_pauses, once again confused-_**

**Me: Haha, you just admitted it!**

**Bella: -_Grumbles and thinks of plans for revenge. –_**

**Edward: Leave Bella alone. And while I'm at it, I wouldn't laugh while Bella hit Emmett with a baseball bat. Well, maybe I would, but I wouldn't let him hold her. He might squish her!**

**Me: _-rolls eyes- _Yes Edward, I'm going to have Emmett squish her. Because I would still be able to keep the story going, not to mention I'd obviously be able to out run the angry fans with pitch forks… _-said in a sarcastic voice- _**

**Edward: It was just a thought…**

**Me: Go away and be happy I won't make you were a diaper again.**

**Bella: Diaper… _-blush-_**

**Edward: _-growl-_**

**Me: Gosh Edward, what always happens whenever you growl at me? Haven't you learned your lesson yet?!**

**Edward: _-pushes Play Back button, much to my annoyance.-_**

**----------------------------------Play Back---------------------------------------------------**

Alice rolled her eyes and stepped forward as well. "Really, you'd think you big strong guys can't handle a human." Alice dug in a pocket, and produced a large sugar cookie, with a big mound of pure chocolate stuck in the middle.

"Hey Bella, do you want this delicious cookie?" she asked.

Bella froze and looked up at Alice. "Raisin cookie?"

The small vampire shook her head gravely. "No, it's something better."

Bella looked shocked. "Better than raisins?"

Alice nodded. "Yes, it's made out of sugar. And chocolate. Lots of chocolate."

Bella's eyes grew wide. "I want the cookie!"

"Alright you can have it, but you first have to give the raisins to Emmett."

Bella impatiently tossed the box to Emmett, then dove at the cookie.

Suddenly, Bella looked around confused. "What happened? And why are you eating raisins Emmett?"

Jasper blinked, then grinned. "The raisin box is an ancient box. It is rarely seen, because the box only becomes Magical under certain conditions. It makes anyone who holds it want to eat raisins." He said while prying the box from Emmett's reluctant fingers and throwing it into the chimney that appeared next to the counter.

"Oh." She replied, still a bit confused.

Edward smiled and put his arms around Bella.

"Don't worry about it anymore. The evil raisin box is gone, and it won't bother you again. Now, lets go up to my room, away from all these crazy people for a bit…

**Edward: Now that's more like it!**

**Bella: Raisins are bad.**

**Me: I love raisins, and don't celebrate yet Edward, I haven't gotten my revenge yet, don't forget.**

**------------------------------------Play Back------------------------------------------------------**

"Now, let's go up to my room, away from all these crazy people for a bit, and… look through my Pokemon collection together! I have, like, 5 _million _cards!"

**Edward: I hate you.**

**Me: _-smirk- _Good, I love you.**

**Bella: _-growl- _**

**Edward: Hehe…**

**Me: Shush**

**Bella: Yeah Edward, shush.**

**Edward: Don't worry Bella, I'll always love you. _–hypnotizing eyes-_**

**_Me: _Ugh…**

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**((A//N: K, who's proud of me? No one. Well thanks a lot friends. Lol, REVIEW PLEASE!!!))**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: Sorry, I don't own Twilight, New Moon, ect. Stephenie Meyer does. Yep.**

**A//N: Gosh, I'm sorry I haven't updated for awhile. I'm lazy, and a bad person… hopefully you all won't hate this chapter too much.**

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

"_Now, let's go up to my room, away from all these crazy people for a bit, and… look through my Pokemon collection together! I have, like, 5 million cards!"_

_**Edward: I hate you.**_

_**Me: -smirk- Good, I love you.**_

_**Bella: -growl- **_

_**Edward: Hehe…**_

_**Me: Shush**_

_**Bella: Yeah Edward, shush.**_

_**Edward: Don't worry Bella, I'll always love you. –hypnotizing eyes-**_

_**Me: Ugh…**_

_**------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**_

**Me: Anywho…**

**----------------------------------Play Back---------------------------------------------------------**

So Bella gives Edward and funny look, and walks into the kitchen to get something to eat, leaving all the vampires to do something vampire-ish for a bit.

After two hours, and a couple of crashes later, the vampires once again get nervous and walk toward the kitchen.

Once inside, they are even more shocked then with what happened with the raisins.

"No Bella!" Edward screams as a sharp, pointy, _silvery_ knife falls through the air, straight at Bella, who is watching it with a wide, un-nerving smile on her face.

But he's too late to catch the knife. Edward falls to Alice's feet, sobbing.

"Why?! Why?!" he cries, shaking his fist at the heavens, er, roof, theatrically.

"Um Edward? Are you ok?" Bella asks, poking him carefully with a stick.

"No Bella, I'm not ok! The knife killed you and I shall be forever lonely! Why?!" he yells again.

The others all just look around, eyebrows raised.

"Alright." Bella replies as she steps back and starts juggling the knives again.

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**Bella: Are you absolutely insane?!**

**Edward: Bella can't juggle _knives_!**

**Bella: Yeah, I might get hurt.**

**Edward: _-still talking, ignoring what Bella just said.- -He continues…- _There's no way on earth Bella could ever learn to juggle. I mean, she so clumsy. No hand-eye coordination at all. If I wasn't around most of the time, she'd just be one big, massive bruise.**

**Bella: Excuse me, Edward Cullen?**

**Edward: Oh, um, I mean, er, _of course _you could learn to juggle. The only reason you can't is because I don't want you hurt.**

**Me: -giggle- Fight…**

**Bella: Uh huh…**

**Edward: Just hit the stupid button Me!**

**Me: Fine, don't need to be crabby about it.**

**----------------------------------Stupid Play Back Button Activated--------------------------**

On second thought, Bella was juggling scarves.

"Hi Bella! We were worried!" Alice says as she drop kicks Edward out the kitchen door.

"I'm fine. I wanna have a food fight."

Emmett blinked. "But Esme said that it's not polite to throw human food…"

Bella grinned. "But it's perfectly fine to _toss_ or _pitch _human food at people. And she never said anything about not throwing vampire food."

Emmett thought a moment, and shrugged. "Fair enough." He replied, just before he got a whole bowlful of potato soup in his face.

And so, the food fight began.

Bella spent her time gleefully chucking apples, pears, bananas, and other vegetables at the vampires, while Edward contented himself throwing waffles and syrup, and syrup and waffles, and butter, and more syrup.

Emmett, however, supplied the 'vampire ammunition'.

Several pieces of cooked turkey, and a wide eyed flying deer later, they all stood knee deep in food, grinning at each other.

"Um, Emmett?" Alice says," why did you throw a bear at me? And a deer? And that moose? And the rabid yellow yellow-snow-eating chipmunks?"

"Because," Emmett replies loudly, rolling his eyes," I, um… Actually, I have no idea why. It was just fun."

Rosalie snickered and sidestepped so the terrified woodland creatures could go prancing out the door.

((A//N: Lol, I'm sorry that it's not terribly funny, but I'm tired still, and I keep reading sad and serious stories before I attempt to write anything, so everything ends up party not OOC, then I fix it for a bit… Anyway, it should get better soon.))

**Edward: You're aware that we don't normally have food fights, right? I mean, we don't even bother to go into the kitchen except for when Bella comes over.**

**Me: Well duh I know. And I ignored that fact and made you have a food fight. Even Bella could have figured that one out.**

**Edward: -_gasp- _Did you just insult Bella?!**

**Me: _-Sarcastically- _No, of course not. Why would I insult Bella? She's brilliant!**

**Bella: Um, thank you?**

**Edward: Well, at least we're over that diaper funk you had.**

**Me: _-Evil grin- _Just wait…**

**-----------------------------------Play Back---------------------------------------------------------**

"Hey Edward, what's this?" Bella asks as she bends down and picks up something white.

Edward's eyes widened and he took a step back.

"Burn it! Burn it!" he yelled, looking around wildly.

The other vampires weren't quite so nervous. In fact, they were watching his reactions with an interested look.

"Why?" the human replied, confused.

"The diaper is back to haunt me!"

"The diaper?" she blinked and looked at him.

Edward nodded and backed out of the kitchen.

"This is getting weird." Emmett said as he ran vampire-speed forward, snatched the diaper from Bella, and threw it into the fireplace on the fire that just sprang up. "It's gone now Edward, you can come back and open your eyes now.

Edward peered cautiously inside the door, then sighed with relief.

"Thank you Emmett!" he sang.

Bella pouted. "I wanted you to try it on. No matter," she added, brightening a bit," I've got another." And she pulled one out from her mysteriously large pocket, and waved it infront of Edward.

"No!!!" The vampire fell to the ground again and was instantly buried under the remains of the food fight.

His siblings waited, amused, for him to come back up…

**((A//N: Ugh, that was weird. Anyway, I need my reviewers help. If you ever read/write Tamora Pierce fanfictions, or if you'd like to read a crossover Pierce/Twilight, please tell me in a review.**

**REVIEW PLEASE!!!!))**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, New Moon, ect. Stephenie Meyer does.**

**A//N: K, I was looking up some writing prompts, and I found a strange one, and I thought it would fit perfectly. Or, at least, fairly perfectly.**

**--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

_Bella pouted. "I wanted you to try it on. No matter," she added, brightening a bit," I've got another." And she pulled one out from her mysteriously large pocket, and waved it infront of Edward._

"_No!!!" The vampire fell to the ground again and was instantly buried under the remains of the food fight. _

_His siblings waited, amused, for him to come back up…_

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

However, Bella soon got bored.

"I'll be back in a few minutes!" she called as she skipped carefully up the stairs. "Oh, Rosalie, can you come here for a minute?"

By now, Rosalie was happy enough to run up after Bella.

As it just so happens, Edward decided to come back up.

"Hello." He said.

"Hello." They all replied.

"Hello." The fridge said.

Emmett glared at the fridge. "What have I told you about talking?! Now I'm not buying that new red freezer, so HA!"

At this the fridge starting crying, raining ice cubes that shattered alarmingly down onto the floor.

"No! I'll behave! Please get the freezer! She HAS to come!"

So Emmett took pity on the fridge and contented himself with just glaring at it.

Edward had run into the bathroom to get cleaned up, and after the fridge had returned to silence, he had come back.

"Where's Bella?"

"Upstairs." Alice supplied.

They all turned as they heard a sound behind them.

"Announcing The King of the Icicles!" Rosalie roared as she came down to stairs in front of Bella.

"Hello loyal subjects! I am The King of the Icicles!" Bella called happily. She was now dressed in all white, with a pointy clear crown on her head.

"Why is she The King of the Icicles? Hey Bella, you should be Queen, not King." Jasper called out.

Bella sighed and shook her head. "Why must you always doubt me Jasper?"

She looked at Rosalie. "Icicle him."

Rosalie grinned, happy at the chance to be violent again. She hurled an icicle that had come from who-knows-where, at Jasper, striking him in the center of the chest.

"Ow! Fine, gosh, evil violent person." He trailed off, scowling.

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((A//N: Sorry for making it so short, but I felt bad for not updating recently, and I'm not up to writing a whole long chapter, so just take this little piece and forgive me. Oh, I'd just like to say "Hello" to one of my reviewers, edward's blossom, (ha, you rock, even if you are annoyed at me). So, "hello!" I bet I spelled it wrong… anywho, no one throw anything at me, ok? REVIEW!!!!!!!))


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, New Moon, ect. Stephenie Meyer does.**

**A//N: Ha, I can finally update! My computer had internet issues… Have fun with the new update.**

**Ugh, sorry people, I haven't updated in awhile. But I promised to spend however long it takes to update all my incomplete stories. So be proud. Be very proud…**

**-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

_Bella sighed and shook her head. "Why must you always doubt me Jasper?" _

_She looked at Rosalie. "Icicle him."_

_Rosalie grinned, happy at the chance to be violent again. She hurled an icicle that had come from who-knows-where, at Jasper, striking him in the center of the chest._

"_Ow! Fine, gosh, evil violent person." He trailed off, scowling. _

**-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Bella: What's wrong with you?! Why do you keep hitting people?!**

**Edward: Yeah, that is kinda rude…**

**Me: Oh shush. And I'm not the one hitting people.**

**Bella: Yes you are!**

**Me: Haven't we had the "Yes, no, yes, no, no, yes" conversation before?**

**Bella: -Scowl-**

**Me: -grin-**

**Edward: Well, just don't put me in the middle of all this again.**

**Me: -evil grin-**

**---------------------------Play Back-------------------------------------------------------------**

"Now Jasper, please be polite to your King." Bella said with a calm glance at him.

He responded with a somewhat rude comment.

Bella looked at him, faintly shocked.

"Icicle him again!"

And Rosalie leapt forward and tossed the icicle at him again, knocking him backwards.

"Haha! Jasper said a bad word! I'm telling Esme!" So, with that, Alice scrambled off the find her.

"Now," Bella started," it has come to my attention that we have no polar bears in this house."

"That's right…" Edward said, confused.

"Well, there should be! This is my ice kingdom! And I need polar bears!" She said with a grin.

"Um… no." Emmett said.

Bella stomped her foot and screamed loudly.

Edward and Emmett drew back, scared. Rosalie raised an eyebrow, but didn't comment.

"No one says 'no' to me! Double icicle him!"

"Sorry Emmett." Rosalie said just before she tossed the double-forked icicle at him.

"Yes Your Majesty King of the Icicles!" Jasper yelped out as he politely flung himself to the ground.

Bella gave a satisfied smile.

"Edward? Emmett? I want you to go to the North Pole and get me some polar bears."

"Er, I think it's the south pole that has the polar bears…" Edward said.

"You will go to the North Pole and bring me back some polar bears." She said in a low, icy voice," and you will do it… in a loincloth!"

Emmett and Jasper burst out laughing, while Rosalie tried to hold back snickers.

"But…!" he protested.

"Rosalie?" Bella replied.

And the boys ran out of the house with icicles shattering behind them.

**Edward: Now see here-!**

**Me: Did you want to comment on something?**

**Edward: Yes I would like to comment on something!!**

**-Silence…-**

**Me: Well…, what is it?**

**Edward: Oh. Well… I don't want to run around the whole world in a weird diaper!**

**Bella: -giggle- Diaper…**

**Me: Now that's just too bad, now isn't it?**

**Edward: You really are evil!**

**Me: Thank you! And, just because you flatter me, I won't make you were the one that just covers the front.**

**Bella: -blush- -very red blush-**

**Edward: Umm…**

**Me: -smirk-**

**------------------------Play Back---------------------------------------------------------------------**

"Now, what should we do with you?" Bella asked as she glanced at the cowering Jasper at her feet.

"Um, let me go?"

"Yeah, sure. You're funny. Oh! I got it! Rosalie, how would you like to do a makeover?"

The vampire's eyes lit up, and she grinned, showing her sharp white teeth.

"I'll take that as a yes. Now, Jasper?" Bella smiled at him, and he gulped nervously, not liking the mood Bella was in.

"Jasper, do you want to wear a pink dress, or the neon purple dress?"

_Meanwhile…_

"Emmett! I told you not to eat that polar bear! He was the last one left!" Edward howled.

Emmett shrugged, unconcerned.

"Grr, now Bella's going to icicle us. Again."

Emmett rolled his eyes. "There's obviously something wrong with that girl. All you have to do is find out what it is, and your problem is solved. I, personally, think Bella is eating too much salt. Give her a bit of sugar and she'll be right as rain. I never liked rain…"

While Emmett mused to himself about weather preferences, Edward worked on his Restore-Bella-To-Her-Formerish-Self-Once-More plan.

_Meanwhile…_

"Aw, pink looks good on you Jasper!" Bella crooned. "And the red lip stick was a nice touch!"

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**((A//N: Well, it's not my best, and it's not my longest, but it sure was random. Kinda. Sorta. Not really…**

**LISTEN UP EVERY SINGLE CRAZY READER!!!! Ok, now that I've got your attention, please read the rest and I'll try to make it short. Alright, I was riding my horse, and a thought kept coming back to me. What would it be like if the Cullens were horseback riders? I mean, they would totally rock! The horse couldn't spook, she couldn't turn her head to the outside and stick out that inside shoulder and totally annoy her rider, she couldn't ever forget not to pick up her feet, she wouldn't beable to ignore that command that says 'get on the bit or I'll make you get on the bit', she couldn't speed up before a jump and launch over it leaving her balance-challenged rider behind… Anyway, if anyone of my riders likes horses, and would be able to understand most horse talk, and who would like a Cullen/horse story, PLEASE mention it in a review. I'm not kidding. Even if you don't have an account, I take anonymous reviews. Yep, and review on the story too, lol…)) **


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, New Moon, ect. Stephenie Meyer does.**

**A//N: I don't remember if I got any reviews… If I didn't I will be very unhappy…**

**ANYWAY, sorry for not updating for a few days. As I've said before, I'm too lazy.**

**Ooh! I just realized that I was being helpful to myself in that last update. I now have a vague idea of how I'll start writing…**

_Give her a bit of sugar and she'll be right as rain. I never liked rain…"_

_While Emmett mused to himself about weather preferences, Edward worked on his Restore-Bella-To-Her-Formerish-Self-Once-More plan._

_Meanwhile…_

"_Aw, pink looks good on you Jasper!" Bella crooned. "And the red lip stick was a nice touch!"_

**--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

"Yes," Rosalie agreed," the red lipstick is what ties the stilettos and the red earings together with the dress."

Suddenly, a thought came to Bella.

"Were are those guys with the polar bears?! I can't feel like an Icicle King until I have polar bears!" Bella scowled and glared at the closed door.

Rosalie shifted and Jasper gave a relieved sigh. The guys were back.

The door opened, and an annoyed group trooped into the room.

"Why are there only three polar bears?" Bella demanded.

Edward turned to give a death glare at Emmett.

"Emmett… was hungry…"

"Icicle him." The human called to Rosalie.

"Which one?" Without waiting to hear the answer, she just tossed icicles at each of them.

While they mumbled to themselves about who was hit the hardest by Rosalie, Edward decided to see if his plan would work.

"Oh dearest King of the Icicles," he began. Bella turned to him, confused.

"You are a wonderful Ruler of the Icicles, but even a Great Ruler such as youself needs food once in awhile. I took the liberty of getting a specialty in the place where we rounded up your polar bears." Edward produced some ice-looking thing from a random pocket that just appeared out of thin air.

He handed it to her.

"See how it looks like ice, but isn't cold?"

She nodded, and then sniffed it.

"Try it and tell us if it is good enough.

So the very smart King of the Icicles tried it. And immediately started knowing on it. Emmett and Edward smirked, while Rosalie and Jasper just looked confused.

When Bella had finally finished, she looked up, her face full of an expression that matched Jasper and Rosalie's.

"What happened?" she asked, wondering why she had a weird crown on her head.

"Oh, nothing a little rock candy couldn't fix." Edward said as he grabbed her arm and ran them over to his couch, where they stayed for a few hours doing who-knows-what.

**Edward: Excuse me?!** **And just what are people supposed to think that we are doing?!**

**Me: Well, I don't know. That's why I put "Who-knows-what".**

**Bella: Um…**

**Edward: It better not be what I think you're thinking…**

**Me: What do you think I'm thinking?**

**Edward: You know that I know that you know what I think your thinking.**

**Me: No, I don't know that you know that I know that you know what you think I was thinking.**

**Edward: Yes, you do know—**

**Bella: Both of you shush! I can't think!**

**Me: Hey Bella, do you know what Edward thinks that he knows that I know what he thinks I'm thinking?**

**Bella: Ugh**

**-------------------------------Bella Hits Playback, Dodging Me: -----------------------------**

Everyone quietly got up to do whatever. Everyone, that is, except Emmett.

"Rosalie?" he asked.

"What?" she growled, still annoyed that she didn't have an excuse to throw things at people.

"What's rock candy?"

His answer was a baseball bat flying with deadly speed and accuracy towards his head…

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**((A//N: Well, even if no one thought it was funny, then I atleast had some fun writing the short little thing. I'll update again eventually…**

**REVIEW!!!))**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, New Moon, ect. Stephenie Meyer does. **

**A//N: Hi again. In this chapter, I decided to just have fun, although I'm not exactly sure what I'm writing about. **

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"Ha!" Bella called from upstairs," Edward said Emmett got hit by a baseball bat!"

"Stop making fun of me!" Emmett whined, walking sullenly off to a corner to sulk.

Rosalie rolled her eyes and ran upstairs to brush her hair. Again.

_Up in Edward's room… _

"What are you doing?" Edward asked, leaning over Bella's shoulder to attempt to see what she was writing.

Bella let out a quiet growl, and Edward jerked back, wondering how his human had learned to growl.

"I'm almost done, and then you can see."

Edward sighed and sat on the floor, wondering to himself if he should be annoyed or not.

But before he could figure it out, Bella had jumped to her feet, knocking herself and the chair over in the process.

The vampire caught the chair in one hand, and the girl in the other, although not necessarily in that order.

"I finished!" she squealed, not bothered at all that she had almost given herself a concussion.

"What did you finish?" he asked warily. He remembered what he had when Bella had her other mood swings.

"This." She called waving a paper infront of his face.

"Oh, right!" he replied, then paused for a moment. "Um, what would 'this' be, exactly?"

Bella scowled, and then answered.

"It's my poem silly! In school, we had to write a two-stanza poem with five sentences each, and the first four sentences had to start with a clause."

He blinked, and then nodded, remembering the lesson.

There was silence for a few minutes, and it took awhile for Edward to realize that Bella was glaring at him.

"Er, can I help you with something?"

"Yes! You're supposed to ask me to read it to you."

There was even more silence.

"Well?!" Bella grumbled to him.

"What…? Oh, yeah, um, please read it to me."

Bella smiled, cleared her throat, and then started talking.

_While I waited by the side of the road, _

_Before the hooded stranger had arrived, _

_After setting down the blood-stained dagger, _

_During the last few moments before death came, _

_I waited for my angel to arrive. _

_Although I waited long, _

_After climbing with trembling limbs to my feet, _

_Along the side of the road, _

_Before I took my final breath and became forever lost to my angel, _

_I decided that he was taking too and ended my sufferings myself. _

"Well, what do you think Edward?"

"I thought it was simply marvelous Bella!" Edward cried, his eyes lit up. "The part about the dagger was my favorite part!"

**Edward: Ok, stop it right now! **

**Me: Yes? **

**Edward: You just had Bella write a faintly suicidal poem! **

**Me: And your point would be…? **

**Edward: _-scowling- _My point is that Bella doesn't write suicidal letters, and even if she did, I wouldn't be thrilled! **

**Bella: Yeah, I'd never be stupid enough to show my suicidal letters to Edward. I know he'd totally flip out if he ever found their hiding place. **

**Edward: _-speechless- _**

**Me: _-snicker- _**

**Bella: Oops, I didn't say that out loud, did I? **

**-----------------------------------Play Back------------------------------------------------------------ **

"So, you liked it?"

"Of course! I love it when you tell me the whole truth!" Edward said with a smile.

Suddenly, Alice appeared in the doorway.

"What's this about a poem?" she asked.

Bella grinned. "I just finished a poem for one of my classes, but I'm not sure if it's good enough.

Alice glanced over at the paper and quickly read it.

"Oh, it's great Bella! Do you think you could help me write mine?"

"Yeah!"

Alice grabbed a piece of paper, and her trust rubber-ducky pen, and settled down to brainstorm with Bella.

About 12 minutes later, they had the finished poem.

Alice swiftly read it to Edward.

_Before the sun goes down behind the horizon, _

_After the lines are tied, _

_Whenever the decks need scrubbing, _

_Because one of the new hands got seasick, _

_I'm always happy to get down on my hands and knees and swab the deck. _

_As I go to throw the bucket, _

_Before I get to the side, _

_Because it always happens, _

_After a wave comes up and tosses my and my green-ish bucket back down on the deck, _

_I then get to happily clean it all up again. _

Edward enthusiastically replied to this poem too.

Jasper appeared in the doorway.

"What's this about a poem?"

Alice quickly read it to him.

A smile broke across his face. "I love it Alice, it fits your personality perfect."

"I know," she gushed," it's great isn't it!"

"You know," Jasper started slowly," I bet I could help you write another poem. Let's go to our room and get started." He finished slyly.

Edward wrinkled nose and turned back to give Bella's poem more praise.

** Alice: Excuse me?! **

**Me: What? **

** Alice: I am NOT going to just sit here and let you write about my cleaning up 'stuff' from a ship deck! **

**Me: Well, you don't really have a choice. **

**Edward: Hey, be nice to Alice, I need her. **

** Alice: Aw… **

**Edward: Yep, I need her 'cause she can tell me when Bella's going to get hit by another car or something. **

** Alice: Hmmm… **

**Bella: Hey, how did Alice get in here? **

**Me: Now that you mention it… Go away Alice! You don't have a Special Key to get in here. **

** Alice: Why would I need a Special Key when you don't ever bother to lock the door? **

**Me: Well… So?! **

** Alice: Just telling… **

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**((A//N: Well, tell me what you think. I know, it was kinda random, especially the poem thing, but still, it was fun. The poem things we just did in school, although none of them were on those… 'topics'… **

**REVIEW!)) **


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, New Moon, ect. Stephenie Meyer does.**

**A//N: I really hope I gave you guys my last chapter, because I'm not so sure I did. Although I probably did… You read about the Special Key right?**

**Anywho, sorry for taking awhile to update again. I have issues…**

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Everything was silent when Carlisle walked in. Too silent. (A//N: Lol, I think someone was yelling at me for not doing anything with Carlisle)

"Is anyone home?" he called out.

"I am!" A high pitched voice replied from somewhere above him.

"Who said that?" he asked.

"Me!"

"Who's me?"

"Me!" it replied again.

"Well me, who are you and why are you in my house?"

"Techniquely, it's Esme's house since – Ow! Why'd you hit—OW! Stop it!" A male voice added.

Carlisle heard hushed mutterings, and a few more yelps, before the mysterious female voice continued.

"I am the Coconut."

"The what?!"

"The Coconut! Duh, I already said that!"

And with that, a coconut was dropped on his head.

The vampire blinked, and then scowled.

"What was that for?!"

The voice snickered. "Revenge!"

"Why do you need revenge? I don't remember ever eating/harming a coconut. Or a Coconut, for that matter."

"Ah, of course you don't. Don't you remember that one time when you _dissected_ a coconut?!"

Carlisle just raised an eyebrow at ceiling as the voice/Coconut/who ever, carried on.

"Oh! It was a beautiful coconut! So young…"

Another coconut dropped on his head.

Right then and there, the doctor decided he'd had enough.

At his vampire speed, he raced up the staircase, jumped onto the railing at the top, and vaulted nimbly onto the ceiling, clinging easily to the rafters.

"I'm coming for you…" he hissed in a low, quiet, creepy, not-like-Carlisle voice.

The Coconut voice gave a yelp, and he heard something try to skitter away.

Just as he almost reached 'it', the voice screamed," CoconutMan, away!", and something fell from the ceiling.

Something else gave a high pitched scream, and dropped off yelling," Bella!!"

Carlisle later found out that Bella had Edward and Jasper pull her up to the roof so she could drop coconuts on whoever passed below.

Meanwhile…

"Sheesh Bella! What were you thinking?!" Edward raged.

"I wanted to drop coconuts…" she murmured, easily 'dazzling' the vampire.

"Yeah," Jasper continued," I think you meant to say SuperMan, or, atleast, SuperLady."

Bella gave a growl, causing both the vampires to snap out of their own thoughts and stare at her.

"Er, on second thought, let's, um, go play in the pool!" Edward said quickly, trying to distract her before she could do something horrible to either of them.

"Um yeah! The pool!" Jasper called back behind him as he raced out the door to the pool.

He knew what would happen if Bella wasn't distracted.

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**((A//N: Well, that was short. Sorry. But hey, it's better than nothing, right? Lol, REVIEW!))**


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, New Moon, ect. Stephenie Meyer does.**

**A//N: Sorry that I once again haven't updated for awhile. I'm getting lazy. Unfortunately, the only cure for that is to stay off for awhile, which is something I just can't do.**

**On a side note, guess what? I just got/stole Microsoft 2007. Doesn't that rock?! Apparently it is pretty cool. And it even automatically double spaces. The spacing inbetween the words looks a bit off, but who cares.**

**I'm once again just writing without really thinking.**

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Belle watched as the two vampires raced off.

_Who knew they even had a pool? _She wondered to herself as she ran carefully after then.

From out of nowhere, Alice pops up with a few bathing suits.

"Wait a minute Bella! You can't go in the pool without a suit! I thought you knew that!"

Sheepishly, Bella grabs the first one she spots out of Alice's hands, and walks off to the bathroom to change.

Five long minutes (for Alice that is) later, Bella emerged in a stunning two-piece suit. The red color made her pale skin stand out.

The human gave a grin as Alice applauded.

Finally, they made it to the edge of the pool.

Edward completely stopped swimming when Bella first appeared, slipping under the water in shock.

When he came up again, his expression still hadn't changed.

"You look… beautiful." He said as he swam effortlessly over to her side after the human clambered into the cool water.

As he reached over to hold her around the waist, her loud skreech stopped him.

"No! Don't touch me!" she howled, glaring at him.

He jerked away, eyes hurt.

"Well, if you don't want me here." He mumbled, comfused.

Oblivious to him, Bella continued her rant.

"Bad sea monster, bad! I don't like sea monsters! Where's my Edward?!"

Edward just blinked at her, wondering if she had finally gone crazy.

Across from them, Jasper had the same idea. He decided to keep a safe distance between them.

"Edward!" Bella yelled again.

"Yes?"

"Not you! You're the sea monster! Go away and do sea-monster-ish things."

Edward blinked somemore at her.

"Jasper, what did Alice give Bella? An energy drink or something?"

"Worse," he replied after thinking back to the moment," I think it was jello. I was going to ask Alice why she was feeding Bella jello, but I had to go rescue Emmett from the 'attacking' TV cords…"

Edward groaned and scowled at the door as if it were Alice.

"Bella, why do you think I'm a sea monster?" he asked her, trying to force a smile onto his face.

"Be quiet! Sea monsters don't talk."

She paused, looking around.

"Edward!" she cried, her eyes lighting up in delight.

"Come here Edward!"

The two vampires looked at each other in confusion.

"Is she talking to me?" Jasper asked.

"Ofcourse I'm talking to you silly. You're Edward! Now, if you won't come over here, then I'll come over there instead!"

And she proceed to swim happily over to Jasper.

"Er, Bella? I'm not Edward."

She let out a sigh and gave a slight grin in the 'sea monster's' direction.

"Isn't he funny?"

"Um…" Edward raised an eyebrow at her. Did she actually think he was a sea monster, and that Jasper was himself? If she did, then no more jello for Bella.

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**((A//N: Sorry people, I had to cut it off there because I couldn't really think of much to say. I'll attempt to finish it eventually. I think that there won't be many more chapters after this one. I need some time off writing fanfictions, because I'm not really happy with it anymore. After a few weeks I'll be ready to start writing again. But don't worry; I'll keep reading everyone else's work, and answering emails, ect.**


	15. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, New Moon, or Eclipse. Stephenie Meyer does.**

**A//N: Lol, hi people! Yes, I know, I haven't updated in forever. My laptop blew up, and now only shows purty white lines, and I can only type when no one's around, so…**

**Anywho, no idea what this will be. I'm just going to have fun! Lol…**

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_And she proceed to swim happily over to Jasper._

"_Er, Bella? I'm not Edward."_

_She let out a sigh and gave a slight grin in the 'sea monster's' direction._

"_Isn't he funny?"_

"_Um…" Edward raised an eyebrow at her. Did she actually think he was a sea monster, and that Jasper was himself? If she did, then no more jello for Bella._

"I said 'Isn't he funny?'" Bella hissed.

"Yes?" Edward blinked at her.

"Good…"

She proceeded to paddle her way over to Jasper, who had a confused expression on.

She halted in front of him and gave him a big smile.

"Er, hi Bella…"

In response, she suddenly leapt forward, and gave him a hug.

Startled, Edward let out a hiss, and started his vampire crawl over to them.

"Oh! The sea monster! It's coming to get me! Save me Edward, save me!" and with that, she put her hand to her forehead, and pretended to faint like those whimpy ladies in the old black and white movies.

"Bella!" he roared, thinking she was hurt.

Without moving, Bella scowled. "Shut up! See monsters don't talk!"

Just then Alice arrived wearing a smile, that turned to a slight growl when she saw that Bella was held by an utterly confused Jasper.

To everyones slight surprise, Bella bolted upright, and scrambled onto Jasper's shoulders.

"I am A Holey One! Watch as I destroy the sea monster with the help of The Portly One!"

She tossed a random shoe at Alice's head, and stage-whispered," You're the The Portly One!:

Alice raised an eyebrow. "I'm the The Portly One?"

"Yes," Bella said in an exasperated whisper," you're the The Portly One."

Alice shrugged, and dove gracefully to the 'Sea Monster', and helped A Holey One beat Edward with a piece of cheese."

"I am A Holey One; here me ROAR!"

At this, everyone stopped and stared at her.

"Alright, this has gone on long enough."

He lunged at Bella, picked her up, and dragged her easily kicking and screaming/screeching out of the pool, and into his room.

"Sea Monster, how dare you-" she abruptly cut off her words, and started staring.

_What? _ He wondered, and looked to see what Bella was staring at.

"Oh, right, I, er, still have my swimming trunks on…"

"Those aren't trunks honey, that is a Speedo."

Blinking at her, he just shook his head, locked all exits, jumped into his closet, and emerged wearing normal expensive clothes.

"Now you." He said as he tossed Bella into the closet.

About ten minutes later, Bella emerged still wearing her suit, but had added shorts to her head, tried to make a T-shirt into pants, and tied a tie to her neck like a scarf.

Edward quickly removed the tie, before Bella could find something to accidently strangle herself on.

"Edward!" she screamed.

"What?!" he yelped, startled.

"You're Edward!"

"Yes… I'm Edward…" he looked at her suspiciously.

"Guess what I want?" she grinned.

He smiled back, and moved closer. Just as he locked his arms around her, she finished," I want RAISINS!"

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**((A//N: Yep, it may be short, but hey, it's better than nothing. I want reviews people!))**


	16. Please Read

UPDATE: Lol, wow, I haven't updated in awhile. Sorry! Didn't really see the point, and then my laptop blew up, and now I've got school and a job and no free time to even do my homework, much less take a few hours to type up something… Anyway, enough of my whining.

A few of you might remember a site I started called Twilight WildWood. I originally started it as a fanfiction site open only to fanfiction about Stephenie Meyer. It died because I kind of forgot about it, lol.

I've re-opened the site, updated it, re-designed it, added some new features, and opened the site to a bunch of authors. Tamora Pierce, Bruce Coville, Stephenie Meyer, ect. (There's a list on the site, but I'm not really concerned with people sticking to that list at the moment).

I'm looking for people willing to put their fanfiction up on the site. I'll take it down if it is really bad writing and things like that, but otherwise it is a lot like this fanfiction site we're on right now.

You might be wondering why I'm starting a new site then, right?

Well, my site will be a lot smaller, but I hope it will still be full of quality stories. You won't have to search thru thousands of silly stories just to find a few decent, well-written fanfiction pieces.

I hope my site will grow and people will enjoy visiting to see what new stories have been posted.

Right now I need some help starting the site.

I need authors. If you think you have some good, decent fanfiction, please go to .com and post it on the Fanfiction Center link. (You will have to join the site to do so. Just go to 'Subscribe and Fun' and join the TWW mailing list, which is really how people sign up.) It should be quick and easy.

I'm looking for someone who has the time to be a sort of Admin/Moderator. As much as I'd like to have the site all to myself, I don't have the time to advertise, update, and do 'quality control' inspections too.

If anyone is good with sites, you will be better than me. I like how the site is set up, but there are always a few changes that could be made to make it better.

I also need a researcher, if anyone wants to do that. I'd like to be able to keep tabs on popular authors, what books are coming out soon, appearances, ect. I have an 'Author News' page, but there isn't anything on it.

If you are interested in submitting a fanfiction, please go to: . com (just take the space out), become a member under 'Subscribe and Fun', then go to 'Fanfiction Center', make a new blog entry, and save it.

If you want to talk about anything else, either post on the forums (located at .com), make a comment to this new update, or email me.


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